Dare to Dream, US Pro Nationals 2019
- madelinebemis
- Jul 6, 2019
- 6 min read
Tulsa Tough was …tough. I guest rode with the Colavita Bialetti team, which was definitely a positive experience. But in the races themselves I personally fell short of any spectacular results. I was unusually timid in the pack, struggling to find the flow, and painfully close on some crucial moves. At the end of the weekend, I left Tulsa grateful for the opportunity but unsatisfied and wanting more. I had three weeks till US Pro Nationals.
It’s wonderful being home with family and friends, but is always an adjustment to a new schedule. I jumped right into work and the first couple days felt long and tiring. Road riding was limited to a single secluded mountain road and the trainer. I ended up putting road pedals on my mountain bike most days. I could feel my motivation starting to dwindle as I counted down the days of training left. It had been a long season, and earlier I was questioning if going back to TN to race Nationals to draw it out was the right move. But the ticket was bought, accommodations made, and on Tuesday morning I was on a plane headed back to the south.
I stayed a Beth’s family’s home again, and they welcomed me home. I am again so grateful for them allowing me to stay and being such gracious hosts, especially Beth who drove me around, helped me fix and pack my bike, and shared her bedroom with me all week. I rode each morning, some of my favorite routes, in the green hills of East TN.
Thursday night I packed my bags, ready to get the racing underway. Friday morning I overslept 2 hours. I hardly ever do, but the time difference was still messing with my internal clock. I woke up in a panic, rushed to make breakfast, pack the rest of my stuff, and only got to spin for about 15 minutes before heading out the door. The next couple hours contained bouts of traffic on the way there, a brief but raging thunderstorm, picking up my bike from Laurel at the Colavita house, flat tire on the bike, trying to fix my shifting, a12 minute long warm-up, pre-riding only half of the course, dropping one of my gloves in the porta potty, and then scrambling to get to rider staging. Then we were off.
I had a solid start, but it took me about 15 minutes to get in the groove. My legs felt stale and had zero snap. When moves went, I couldn’t respond immediately. A rider or two would slip in front each time, but I was able to drill it back to where I needed to be in time. With 4 laps to go, I had to slam on my brakes going into the climb. I don’t know what caused the sudden stop up the road, but my bike wheel slid out, a rider from behind crashed into me, and there was a domino effect that I marginally avoided. With 2 to go I was in descent position but still struggling with my shifting, with a front tire was beginning to go flat again. In the end I was 15th overall and 4th U23, one step off the podium. I wasn’t stoked with the result but can’t say I was disappointed either. Crit racing is fun, but I know could never win a field sprint in a race like this. I went into the day not expecting to podium, and fully expected that the girls who beat me would do so. But that’s ok. Full focus was on Sunday…the road race.
Saturday night I tossed and turned in bed. I’ve gotten good at sleeping before races, but this time was different. I watched last year’s race on the same course before flying back. I had talked with Zack about the game plan. And all I could think about was that last lap, the last time going up the climb, when the pack was whittled down and the winning move would go. Who would be there? Would I?? There would be girls in the pack I’ve only seen on Instagram racing in Europe on world-class teams.
Beth and I woke up at 4:40 am Sunday morning, met with Johnny as the sun came up, then made the trek to Knoxville once again. Upon arrival Johnny made sure bottles were filled, ice socks were made, and my number pinned. I lined up once again at the start and chatted with Gracie for a bit, much more calm and prepared than on Friday night. The National Anthem, the countdown, and we were off once again.
The first lap was tame. Then came a couple attacks, and a subsequent a breakaway of three established up the road. The climb was tough but nothing crazy. I checked up on my teammate Crystal and told her I was ready for some action. Then, about halfway through the 72 miles, I got what I asked for. The small break had 3 minutes on the field and other teams decided it was time to shut it down. I was caught toward the back of the group going into the climb on the fifth lap. I made passes, but it wasn’t enough to make the little split that had formed. Johnny yelled to be toward the front going in. Easier said than done, but from then on I knew it would be a necessity for survival.
The pace was increased through the flatter lands of the loop as everyone fought for position toward the front. Attacks flew left and right. Up the climb, a select group went up the road every time, and I never made it. Hunter cheered me on and dumped a red solo cup of ice water on me every time as we crested the top; a life-saving move and unexpected game changer in the race. But each time up the climb I’d be caught in a small group of women in a similar situation, and we’d work to pull ourselves back up to the front split.
The climb dwindled the group down every lap. It was a matter of who would survive up and over the 9th and final time. It was freaking hard. Alas, the climb loomed one last time. We all mashed our pedals and started falling back almost immediately. Toward the top Emma Langley rode up beside me, calling me by name along with words of encouragement as she passed. I made up time on the descent and found myself with her and one other. We did not make the cut. Only Emma and I pulled, encouraging each other as we went. My heart rate was higher for longer than I could have ever thought possible, but this was it. We were so close to that select group. I made one final dig, almost maxing out my heart rate to get to the field with Emma and another on my wheel. We were back in, back in the refuge of the draft. Almost immediately after our reconnection Ruth Winder went off the front, so the field was not letting up for a sprint finish. By this time I was so fried physically and mentally that all I could think was go.
On the very last hill, I made a couple more passes, holding nothing back. 10th place overall, 3rd in U23. I crossed the line and cried. I don’t really know why. It was the hardest race I’d ever done, and the whole thing was an emotional rollercoaster, though my face was stoic. At moments it felt awesome and kind of surreal to be out there amongst riders I’ve followed and looked up to for a long time. Then at other times I begged internally for the race to be over. But I was also so happy. Going into the day, my goal was 3rd in U23. That had been my goal all season. But placing top 10 overall was more of a dream; a long-shot. Then I thought about the future, what’s next, and this newfound sense that the sky is the limit.
When I turned around I embraced Johnny with a hug. He was not only instrumental is pushing me all season, but woke up early and sacrificed his day to drive me to Knoxville and stand in the feed zone for the whole race (even if he put battery acid in my bottle on the final lap). I was then shuffled into the awards tent with Emma White and Chloe Dygert sitting in front of me, two girls I have followed and looked up to for a long time.
This past month I’ve called in a lot of favors. I had a meltdown after my first day of work, honestly not sure if I had enough gas left in the tank to even compete at Nationals. My mom drove two hours to pick up a loaner road bike from Steve, and when I got to TN I’d borrow another bike from Marie. Laurel brought my road bike all the way to Knoxville. Kyle went out of his way to drive me to Beth’s house. Zack drove to and from Knoxville twice, Johhny once, and Beth once as well. My result would simply have been possible without those around me, and especially the One above me. Glory to God for my race success. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength, even the things I once thought were impossible.
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